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what can brown do for you?
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Sunday, May 11, 2003
today was useless. i got up and got my daily lecture (verbal bitchslap) from the padre before i even got my contacts in. i think thats a new record of sorts. i just sat there calmly eating my Wheaties and staring off into the fuzzy oblivion. i then gathered myself together and went to the jv invitational swim meet at the old hell hole of a school i used to attend. i found out 10 minutes after i got there that i wasnt allowed to swim in the meet. apparently i was no longer on jv as of two weeks ago. thats something that could have been brought to my attention at least yesterday. no biggie, i stuck around as moral support. i figured a six-person team would need it. the pivotal moment of weirdness is when i accompanied james to jeff thompson's house (weird #1) so he could manually shave his legs (weird #2). while there i saw joanna copley and brian nguyen (weird #3) having some band rehearsal with jeff and his brother (weird #4). in the middle of this, jeff and his brother got a fight, which included an awkward moment of silence when they were done arguing (weird #5). james finally came out of the bathroom claiming he found an electric razor and it made the job easier. we left the scene, with james clean-shaven and me silently following (weird #6). finally back at the meet, i watch everyone swim. not too much excitement there. i didnt see any buttcracks, so i guess thats a plus. i did make it into AP US history. im okay with that. i didnt make it into AP psychology. that kinda sucks. ill fight for it, though. i have the AP test on monday. i havent studied yet. ill probably fail. i dont really care too much anymore. im now the co-captain for the 2003 letter squad. woot. apparently my routine went over better than expected. every time i forgot a move, i'd fill the blank in with the same spin. monotonous, if you ask me, but andrea said the routine reflected my personality. i dont think we were on the same train of thought. i have decided that it would probably suck to be named peter tittiger. c'mon...tit tiger. that's like tony from frosted flakes with breasts. i had to change pants today, so i walked into the crowded bathrooms and just started stripping. youd think these women had never seen underwear before. apparently there is a difference between women's bathrooms and a women's locker room. i apologize to those that i offended with my periwinkle undergarments. i just got home from TPing rick score's house with audrey, james, jessie, lorraine and liz. mini score caught us in the act. everyone else sprinted and drove off. i got left behind. mini score was screaming at me and beating me over the head with a bag of pretzels. i also saw jessie's ass and walked around for 10 minutes in food-4-less without knowing my fly was down. all i have to show for it are the ugly pink cons i snatched from the porch. bwahaha. so far, this weekend has been more than mildly amusing. why cant they all be this crazy. on that note...Q: What do a Mexican and a cue ball have in common? A: The harder you hit them, the better their English!
12:30 AM
Sunday, May 04, 2003
i finally did it. i made up a letter routine. who knew i had it in me. the climax of the whole ordeal was when i thought "hey, you can toss a tall flag...who says it cant be done with a shield?" i only had to hammer 5 minutes to un-dent all the corners. for future reference: dont experiment on concrete. this weekend was extremely hideous. my dad asked why the only time i want to go on vacation is when it includes someone within a 5-year age radius of myself. i couldnt tell if it was a rhetorical question or a joke. vacation with my parents wouldnt be a vacation at all, but more of a relocation of our domestic problems. whats better than a verbal backhand on the beach, or getting chewed out while surrounded by redwoods. nothing, if you ask me. nothing, that is, except a nice hearty bullet to the mouth. i sat in the car while my mother was in safeway yesterday. a man sat two cars over and across from myself trimming his nose hair with toenail scissors, using the rear-view mirror as a guide. i chuckled, pleased with the fact that i not only was anonymous, but hidden from view. until we made eye contact. at that point i couldnt tell who had just been stripped of their dignity...him or myself. i waited for embarrassment to sweep over him, but he gave me a shrug and continued on the other nostril. this situation made me decide im thankful i'm not a middle aged man. i had a dream last night that i was talking to someone like a priest talks to people through a confessional booth. except we were talking about the movie "an everlasting piece." granted the movie is not only foreign, its hysterical, but i cant seem to muster one reason as to why i would have the dream. i think dream interpreters are bullshit. things like if there's a head of lettuce in your dream that you'll give birth to a boy, or a shoelace resembles opportunity. i think dreams are just our mind's way of entertaining us during what could be the most boring 8 hours of unconsciousness...example: a day of high school. vegas was nice. i got a sunburn, and am now physically a redneck. 6 more weeks of school. sweet. i didnt make it into AP english (cha-chiiing) and probably wont make AP us history. while the good student in me is screaming, i find her a lot easier to smother with my pillow of laziness these days than i used to. i cant wait to join the cult of 9-to-5 ers so that i can zone out in my cubicle and call it a mid-life crisis. truth is, i just dont care. id make a good rich person. i could easily live in a glass mansion and have tea and crumpets with my bridge friends.
9:46 PM
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