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what can brown do for you?
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Saturday, July 26, 2003
near finale of swim meets this morning at bishop estates. that's right, the fuckers with the meter pool. B.E.S.T. my ass. meters or yards, i still swam like dead weight. at this moment, my father is locked in the master bedroom trying to rip his way out with a hammer. aught....mission accomplished. hmm. I just got a phone message from Eric with someone laughing in the background while he maniacally asked for "mac n' cheese". My dad, after audio examination, commented "mac n' cheese? more like a big dick he wants. man, fags," and walked out chuckling. i am amused.
2:41 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2003
bah. last night i feel asleep listening to Everclear. i know, i know, but even the coldest of hearts has to admit Father of Mine was pretty catchy. whatever, i suck.
previous conversation -
Me: yeah, the swim meet was okay.
Mom: well, it sure lasted long enough.
Me: i hurt my ankle again when i fell off my fucking bike. it hurts like a bitch.
Mom: wouldn't it be cool if people glowed in the dark?
Me: what the fuck?
Today i went to swim practice. i swim with one leg because i am a gimp sonofabitch. just shoot me between the eyes like the rest of em'.
Shanti and I went to see Hulk, but goddamn Fandongo fuckers gave us a noon time. too bad the actual flick started at 1:30. after talking to a short, balding, pathetic piece of worthless shit that works behind the counters, we realized our options included seeing a different movie, hanging out for 2 hours or getting a "come back later" coupon...for free, that is. cause we hadnt already paid for the tickets? you almost had me on that one, fat ass. he ended up pursuading us with his dashing charm and tittering about "00oo, johnny depp and orlando bloom *orgasm* ...i mean..." to see Pirates of the Caribbean. he gave us free popcorn and soda for not leaving, and we made our way to the theater. before that, i lost all sense of respect for the man when i realized he spelled "terminator" wrong on the schedule. hmm, sweet christ, lets go see TERMONATOR. say that like Ahhhhnold. whatever, Pirates was pretty good. better than T3, at least for the johnny depp aspect. orlando bloom = fruitier than an IHOP pancake breakfast.
baby carrots are actually vegetable genitals.
12:26 AM
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
i like chicken.
man, i really like chicken.
12:48 AM
Fo' sheazy my neazy queezy. Shizzle nizzle fissle wizzle. Wuzzles and noozles and snuggle wuggles. I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them sam I am.
WIGGEDY WAC JAC DONT TALK BACK
i am white. very.
12:28 AM
Monday, July 07, 2003
you bes' represent da men of the cloth. Gospel Gangstaz fo' life, muthafucka. or should i say virginmuthafucka.
9:53 PM
aught. mondays. woke up at 7. got up, looked out the window and saw the wind stripping the leaves from the trees. mmm, fuck swim practice. woke up again at noon. sat around and entertained myself with hours of vegging at the computer. went to robert's and vegged out on his computer for a couple hours. i dont really know why i went over there, but my sole purpose seemed to be helping him fill up his computer with oldies he didnt already have. he wanted 30, i had him at 50 when i left. im sure he is at this moment deleting all the elton john and dean martin i left him. listened to Mr. Sandman 4 times in a row, switched it to Enter Sandman when berto started bitching. ah, how i enjoy ancient italian tunes. can you really ever get enough of Papa Loves Mambo. i thought not. well, my fasha got laid off. i give that two hefty thumbs down. not because "oh god, who's going to bring home the bacon?" but more of fuck, he's loving this too much. now i dont wake up to chore lists, but him sitting on the couch with a cocky grin on his face. he wants to go to the beach every goddamn day. i always say no, and he always threatens to go by himself. christ, man, GO. send the sandpipers my salutations.
9:12 PM
mmm, sexy. let's hope its AIDS, just so i can have prolonged suffering with emaciation and the wearing of small knitted hats.
2:25 PM
happy 6th of july, everyone. i dont really know when to stop celebrating independance day. those Singing Flag roadies had been celebrating since the 2nd. i did my celebrating on...well, the 4th i guess. if by celebrating you mean loafing through a couple hours of T3. let's hope Ahhhnold isnt back anymore after that one. i find it somewhat disettling that robert, shanti and i hung around for over an hour after the movie and engaged in less than 5 minutes of wholesome conversation. hell, we walked all the way from Brendan to the Elks Lodge. my arms havent been the same since before the A's game on thursday. granted the ol' Athletics kicked some arse, but robert, vj, and my arms saw some nice level 7 UV rays that day. im red as squanto. i feel like helping some lowlife pilgrims grow corn. well, shanti , robert and myself finally found our way into Bingo on friday. freeloaded a couple sodas, kicked back and watched as greg and wyatt faced the masses of potato-hungry geriatrics. you havent seen dissapointed rage until you tell a 96 year old with a liscence to kill that theyll only be serving pizza that night. after, i escorted shanti to the main entrance, where her mother picked her up in perhaps the tightest van ive seen in ages. after awhile greg wyatt robert and yours truly found our way to our educational haven, concord high with shauna vj and matt. climbed up some sheds to watch fireworks. of course robert greg wyatt and I cant be satisfied with that measly spot and choose a nicer, illegal location: atop the gym's roof. banged myself up pretty good climbing up a storm drain and while walking around on the roof of the hallways, i dont think ive heard wyatt apologize to the Holy Spirit more times in my life. dude, theyre rent-a-cops. I bet Jesus himself shakes his fist at the fuzz. anywho, it was totally worth it. it looked like the fireworks were exploding on us. granted we were up there with 4 dudes that were so blazed they couldnt see straight, and greg almost got pissed on climbing up. meh,no pain, no gain. and i got enough pain. i scraped my entire forearm when climbing underneath the chainlink fence and got bruises all up my shins and knees. next time someone tells you the jump isnt really as high as it looks...believe me, its still high. i dont think i was ever a jackie chan in another life. chris farley, possibly. well, today i was driving with the father, and we were up in the backroads by Briones (beautiful area...goddamn Moraga yuppies taking over everything). i drove cautiously past a large mass of bikers that had blocked a lane of the road. from a distance i thought "fuck, Hells Angels. quick Dad, put this bag over your head" but as i drove up, they were all Kawasaki rice rockets. holy hell, theyre japs. well, i merrily went on my way until 3 cops passed me going the opposite way. i check the ol' rear view mirror and suddenly this pack of 40 bikes are hauling ass towards my piece-of-shit Camry. go baby go, i slam my foot on the gas and watch the needle hit...45. fuck, double lines, they cant pass. so i drive 15 miles with a mob of bikes so close i can see the faces of the riders in my mirrors. it mustve looked like an obsolete-toyota-escort for a bike run or a 5th sequel to the fast and the furious: mediocre cars gone worse. god, ill be glad when im driving the pickup. and by myself. if i have to say "dad, please dont flip off people when im driving" one more time...the only place theres going to be a chink is in his skull. - "Teddy Grahams, the great-tasting, fun-to-eat snacks come in cute, cuddly, PLAYFUL BEAR SHAPES!" stop the press. who the hell cuddles snack crackers? if i were to start a physical relationship, then i might build emotional attachments, making the bear itself far too sentimental for consumption. now what kind of way is that to do business? criminy.
1:49 AM
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